Get out of your own way

22 Mar 2015

I've just finished the book “Get out of your own way”. It's embarrassing to read a book similar to this one. The book explains 40 destructive behaviours and offers ways to overcome them. A destructive behaviour fulfils the emotional need but doesn't do good to anyone, even ourselves. There are other ways to fulfil emotional needs while being constructive and productive. Here’s the list:

  1. Chasing after love and approval from a parent
  2. Getting involved with the wrong people
  3. Procrastinating – We procrastinate because we are lonely, not lazy
  4. Expecting others to understand how you feel
  5. Waiting until it's too late
  6. Getting so angry you make things worse
  7. Saying yes when you want to say no
  8. Holding a grudge
  9. Assuming they don't want anything in return
  10. Playing it safe
  11. Always having to be right
  12. Focusing on what your partner is doing wrong
  13. Putting up with broken promises
  14. Trying to make up while you're still angry
  15. Not learning from your mistakes
  16. Trying to change others
  17. Rebelling just for the sake of rebelling – I have had it. I'm not sure if I still have it
  18. Talking when nobody's listening – I should notice when people stop listening, so that I can stop talking
  19. Pretending you're fine when you're not – Be congruent
  20. Becoming obsessive or compulsive
  21. Taking things too personally – e.g. they do it with the sole purpose to annoy me
  22. Acting too needy
  23. Having unrealistic expectations
  24. Trying to take care of everybody
  25. Refusing to “Play games”
  26. Putting on an act to make a good impression
  27. Being envious of others
  28. Feeling sorry for yourself
  29. Assuming the hard way is the right way
  30. Thinking “I'm sorry” is enough
  31. Holding it all in
  32. Quitting too soon
  33. Letting others control your life
  34. Leaving too much to chance
  35. Letting fear run your life
  36. Not moving on after a loss
  37. Not getting out when the getting is good
  38. Not asking for what you need
  39. Giving advice when they want something else
  40. Backing down because you don't feel ready

There must be balance into practicing these behaviours. For example, quitting too soon is a tough one. In some situations, quitting might be the right choice. The important part is that we should recognise the behaviour and make conscious choice on how to behave.